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November 01, 2006

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Comments

Miguet Schwab

To start with I see a general problem across your group's blogs, and that is that you forgot to bold or underline your thesis somewhere in this essay. That's easily fixable of course.

I like how this was written though, good use of language and of footnote, although some more variety in sources would have been better(seeing [1] way too often, but it can't be helped since most of what we had was the reader).

I do disagree with the statement about Sepsis being impossible, but that's based on my limited medical knowledge. Does your statement have any backing or was it an assumption? (only my curiosity)

Sara

I think the body is well-writen, however, the introduction could be stronger to go along with the strength of the body. Mainly, the thesis could have been reworded better and been more specific about what exactly you were dealing with that led to eliminating the reasonable doubt. This could have helped because of the number of supporting reasons you had.
I think the other major issue is just the organization of the paper. The material you had was strong and worked well. However, the second part of your essay ( based on the 19th century jury) was a great deal less explained and concentrated on. It could have been improved to make your reasons for the 19th century as developed as the first part.
Your attention to integrating quotes was very good for your argument. It made it interesting, but also made for a better argument.

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